“You need to take care of yourself, too.” When I heard those words — when my oldest was just four months old — I felt myself rebel against them. My priority is my daughter and taking care of her, I had thought; her needs come before mine, and in many ways, nearly five years later, that’s still true.
But I’ve come to learn something important: I’m the best mom and wife and sister and daughter and friend, all those roles I hold, when I make caring for myself a priority.
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While I talk a lot about my facial masks and makeup as a form of self care, it’s about a whole lot more than that, too. It’s about caring for our whole selves: mind, body, and soul.
It’s giving ourselves permission to rest when we’re tired or burnt out; it’s allowing us to take some time for ourselves even when it seems like our work load, or mental load, or household chore load – or whatever kind of load it is that you carry – is wearing us down.
I’d even argue that it’s moments like this, when we’re at our busiest and most frantic, that caring for ourselves is most important.
Self care is working on yourself. But it’s also valuing yourself enough to make taking care of yourself a priority. I’ve realized that in some of my hardest moments of life, when I felt at my worst, I wasn’t taking care of myself .
Want some ideas on how to fit self care into your busy life? Many of these don’t take long… and I’d even argue just 15 minutes a day with any of these activities can make a world of difference. After all, you need to fill your cup too, busy mama. Here are a few of my favorite practices.
Get Outside and Move
Movement can make such a big difference! Whether we’re stretching, or we’re walking or running, it allows us time to move and breathe. Dancing. Yoga. Pilates. Swimming. Biking. Hiking. The list goes on and on. Bonus if you go outdoors, because there’s something about fresh air that can be invigorating. If time is tight: you can do just about any of these activities with your kids.
Pamper Yourself
While some self care can be done with kids, I think giving yourself permission to take a break and get out can make a world of difference too. Go out and get your nails or hair done. Plan a girls’ day at a spa. Get a massage. If time is tight: bump those pampering activities up your to-do list, and after the kids go to bed, take a few minutes to put on your facial mask, draw a bubble bath, or meditate.
Return to Your Hobbies
We joke that, as moms, our hobbies include going to the bathroom or grocery store alone. But, kidding aside, I’ve been re-finding some of my old hobbies in the last few months. What are the things you used to love to do that you miss? Find ways to work them back into your routine, and maybe even introduce them to your kids. I’m now regularly drawing with my kids while they do their art projects. At night, while I watch TV, I color in my adult coloring book (Secret Garden is still one of my favs). And probably one of my most favorite hobby of all: reading.
I’m reading a whole lot more… how? I’ve given myself permission to read during the day. In part, I was encouraged by “The Read Aloud Handbook” by Jim Trelease, which talks about how the behavior we model, our kids will copy. If my kids see me read, it will (and has) brought up questions about what I’m doing. And this principle can be applied to ANY hobby… or self-care activity for that matter!
If taking time out of your day for your hobby still feels a bit weird, here’s some great advice from Julia Cameron (found in “The Artist’s Way for Parents“): “If we decide that there is no time to read for pleasure – because it isn’t important, because it would ‘only’ make us happy – we are deciding that there is no time for ourselves, for our own spiritual balance, and we are making a dangerous decision indeed. Not only are we putting ourselves at risk of becoming resentful, we are modeling this behavior for our children.”
Personal Development
A big part of self care is giving ourselves permission to care for ourselves. It means bumping it up our to-do list and making ourselves a priority. I know, at least for me, that it was a big mindset shift, realizing that if I took care of myself, I’d be a better mother. Cue self development (previously known as self help) books and journaling.
Books like “Girl Code” and “You are a Badass: How to Stop Doubting Your Greatness and Living an Awesome Life” (along with the books mentioned above) have helped me see the importance of taking care of me too, and now reading self-development books is a part of my normal routine. Already have a to-be-read pile a mile high? You can also get calendars like these. And not sure where to start with journaling? This journal, “Start Where You Are,” is full of some wonderful prompts, as is my digital download, geared toward mothers who want to get back in a writing habit.
Self care isn’t selfish. When we feel good about ourselves — inside and out — and we’re taking care of our mental health, it’s reflected in how we relate to others. Allowing yourself permission to do the things listed above can be hard at first, but I challenge you: give yourself 15 minutes a day to start… and start to see some changes unfold.
What are some of your favorite self care routines?
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