They said kids change everything. You lose sleep over them. You cry over them. Your schedule revolves around them and their needs, and somehow through it all, your heart grows with so much love. In the process, your world changes SO much. What I didn’t know, and didn’t quite expect, is just how much becoming a parent and motherhood would also change me… and how it keeps changing me as they get older.
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I’ll be honest:
I lost myself after having kids…
And from a lot of conversations I’ve had with other moms lately, I’m far from the only one.
These beautiful kids make their grand entrance into this world, and life as we know it changes. They 100% need us. Especially in the early months, we got into a cycle of diaper changes, and feedings, and sleep (and the lack thereof, too). Even as they grow, their needs come first, and my priority was, and is, them.
It’s no wonder that it’s easy to lose ourselves. It’s something that I don’t think anyone warned me of, but even if they had, I don’t think I could have prepared myself for it. It happened so quickly and fast that one day it felt like I looked up and wondered, who am I outside of my kids?
But early on in my daughter’s life, someone close to me said something I needed to hear (and something I constantly need to remind myself of).
You need to take care of yourself, too.
It’s hard though isn’t it? A lot of us moms make ‘to-do’ lists of things to get done, or keep bullet journals or planners packed to the brim… and while we might put a hobby or two of ours on the list, it tends to be at the bottom. After a long day of parenting, we might not even give ourselves a chance to check that one thing for ourselves off the list. In turn, we start to lose sight of who we were and it becomes hard to know who we are now.
My husband and I used to go to restaurants, a lot, and movies, too. I used to read at least 2 to 3 novels per month. I used to draw while watching TV. I used to write and journal every single day. The ‘used tos’ pile up, and suddenly you realize: you’re becoming someone new.
When my oldest was nearly five months old, I did something that few in my life expected of me: I started an online makeup business. Part of me did it for the extra income that we needed since I was only working part-time. But a big part of me did it for myself, too. Makeup is 100% something I do for me. I wear it for no one else. The business side of it gave me an excuse to do something for myself — even it was just a swipe of mascara — on a regular basis.
And while it still took me some time, you know what I learned? That’s I’m a better mom — and I’m a better ‘me’ — when I take some time for myself too, whether it be with makeup… or giving myself permission to spend a few minutes on a hobby.
For me, I’m getting back to drawing (art time with the kids is much more fun now), reading books before bed (I read everything from my guilty pleasure of young adult novels like Simon vs. the Homo Sapiens Agenda, to personal development books, such as Girl Code and my favorite Brene Brown), and the thing I missed the most: writing.
I know it’s easier to take a bit of time for myself now that my kids are out of the ‘baby’ stage and on more of a schedule, but if parenting has taught me anything (other than patience and unconditional love), it’s that time is precious. With less time, we learn to focus on what’s most important, and, when we do take time for ourselves, it’s gotta be something we care deeply and passionately about… otherwise what’s the point?
Parenthood has given me the chance to find myself all over again. While I don’t think the “core” of me has changed per se, I’ve definitely grown and learned to focus more on what really matters: my family, but loving who the new me is, too.
Are you working on finding yourself again after becoming a mom? I’d love to hear more about your journey to rediscovering yourself in the comments, or contact me here!
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