Toddlers are interesting folks. They still have quite a bit to learn about the world — like how the world, contrary to their beliefs, doesn’t always revolve around them and what they want right NOW.
But they also haven’t learned to be anything but themselves.
I’m not the most outgoing of people. It takes me time to warm up to people, and I’ve been that way since I was a kid, a wallflower watching and listening. It’s one of the reasons I write; it takes me some time to find the words I want to share.
Little Miss on the other hand? While on occasion she’ll be shy and bury her head into my legs or chest, more often than not, she’ll wave, smile, and say ‘hi’ to just about everyone.
I wasn’t that way as a kid… at all. I’ve always been restrained and quiet. (Don’t believe me, ask one of my childhood best friends, who will tell you how I simply head-bopped danced at a Third Eye Blind concert in high school… despite the fact that I was OBSESSED with their music).
I used to worry all the time what people thought of me. I worried that what I said wouldn’t be interesting enough. I worried that people would take the things I said the wrong way. And I simply just wanted to be liked. I, Liz SanFilippo Hall, am a recovering people-pleaser.
Phew. I’m admitting a lot here!
But here’s the biggest secret at all… in the past year, I’ve come out of my shell in so, so, so many ways. A large part of that comes from seeing how Little Miss is developing her own little personality. It’s seeing how she’ll be herself, unabashedly. She’ll laugh when she wants to laugh — even if its just at the dog. She’ll shimmy her shoulders, she’ll throw her hands up in the air, she’ll literally dance like no one is watching — even though a lot of people are, especially when they see her awesome moves.
I’ve told my husband this before, and I know it bears repeating: I don’t want her to ever lose this beautiful spirit. I don’t want her to ever feel like she can’t be herself.
So, how do I encourage that?
By being myself too, and not caring what other people think… to be myself, wholly and truly, too. No matter how weird my true self is.
Clearly she’s rubbing off on me. Today, we were walking through Trader Joe’s, and she started dancing to the store music while in the shopping cart… full on bopping her head, swinging her arms and legs. It was ADORABLE. I didn’t even stop and think — I sang some of the words back to her. I did a little dance move too. Seriously. If you’ve grown up with me, you’re probably saying that doesn’t sound like me at all.
It felt wonderful, and it wasn’t until I left the store that I realized that I would never have done that before Little Miss was born. I hadn’t even given it a second thought, which I would have before. I would have thought to myself, what are people going to think of me if they hear me sing off key? If I do a weird dance move in the store?
Okay, okay, I probably would have looked crazy, especially without my little toddler dancing companion. But so what? As long as I’m being myself, as long as I’m not holding myself back — which I did for so, so, so long in many ways — then I’m okay with that.
I want Little Miss to look up to me, to see that you can be yourself, to see that it’s ok not to worry what other people think. Because she was the one to really teach me that in the first place.
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