Before having my first child, I knew life as we knew it was totally going to change. But as much as I read all the pregnancy and parenting books, and joined a bunch of online mommy groups and read all sorts of advice… There was one thing I don’t think anyone could have prepared me for.
I didn’t realize how all the diaper changes, middle-of-the-night wakeups, nursing and feedings, laundry (it’s crazy how much laundry a child can make!), all the worry about raising a kid in this insane world we live in… and the list goes on and on… I didn’t realize how consuming it could be, how easy it can be to forget what life was like pre-kids, and how easy it is to lose ourselves in parenting.
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Hobbies after kids, for me, meant enjoying a glass of wine after they go to bed. That and the rare shopping trip without them, and putting on a bit of makeup.
Between the lack of sleep and the constant demands of our kids, it can be easy to forget who we were and what our hobbies used to be. These beautiful, amazing souls come into the world, and our lives change, and we change… and sometimes I think we’re not quite sure who we are anymore, because heck, all of our relationships change, not just to our husband, but also with our own parents, and to our friends, those with kids and those without. And when we become a mom, our relationship to ourselves change too.
At least I know that’s how it was for me.
Thankfully I had someone close to me remind me that I can’t lose myself too much in the demanding world of parenting… four months after I had my first she told me, “Don’t forget you need to take care of yourself too.”
Nearly 10 months after having my second, I still need to remind myself on a regular basis that I have an identity other than Mom, that my name isn’t “Mom” — even though I might hear it a trillion times a day.
Hello, My name is Liz, and I do have hobbies outside of diaper changes and answering millions of my 3-year-old’s why questions. It’s just that it often takes me a couple months to finish a book, whereas it used to only take me a week.
As much as I preach self care and taking care of ourselves too, it can be really freaking hard when we know how much our kiddos need us for everything from diaper changes to help with getting dressed… I know as my kids get older, things will change, and some things will get easier… but I’m guessing that the worry and demands will just change to something else.
Yet there’s a reason flight attendants tell us to put the oxygen mask on ourselves first before we put them on our kids.
Give yourself permission tired mama to take care of yourself, too.
Because when you take care of you, you’ll be a better mama. Swipe on some mascara, hit the gym, read a book or write in your journal, find someone to watch the kiddo while you go out and enjoy a cup of coffee — or a few glasses of wine — and give yourself permission to find yourself again.
Still feeling some sort of mom guilt? Think of it this way…by taking care of you, you’re teaching your kids that taking care of yourself, mentally and physically, is important, too.
You are mom — a wonderful one at that — but you are more than mom too, and don’t let the crazy world of parenting let you forget that.
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