Weeks before I went into labor with my second, one of my midwives told me something that struck a cord with me: “Your body was built for this. Your body knows what to do during birth. Trust and listen to your body.”
Prior to hearing that, I had told myself that if I were to be induced with my second, as I was with my first, I would opt for the epidural immediately. My first labor was incredibly hard, even with a doula and supportive husband by my side. With a sudden onset of preeclampsia and an induction with pitocin and treated with magnesium, it was like my body had gone into shock… the contractions did not stop (there was no minute break)… And I stupidly waited more than five hours to get the sweet relief of an epidural.
I figured that terrible, constant pain would happen again if I was induced with my second, and that’s why I told myself — originally — that I’d get an epidural if I was induced again.
Fast forward to January 27, a full 11 days after my due date. My fluids were low and so the time had come to be induced. I’ll be honest; figuring I knew what to expect, I was probably a whole lot more relaxed this time around than I was the first… but it was completely different. The pitocin started, and I waited for a contraction, and waited, and waited. I walked the halls of the hospital, and slowly, very slowly, the pain started in my back and wrapped around my front.
The contractions were far apart and very slowly getting closer together. It was completely different than my first experience, and it was this difference that gave me a boost in confidence in my body that I hadn’t had before. The midwife’s words helped too, and I found myself repeating them over and over again as the contractions steadily increased: “My body was built for this. My body knows what to do. Trust my body.”
My water broke, the contractions got stronger as I bounced on a birthing ball, and I hung in there.
(I’ll interrupt this story to say one thing: each and every woman’s labor is their own. How you labor and whether you want an epidural or not? Totally up to you! I just knew, for myself, that I’d ALWAYS wanted to have a natural birth… I’d heard it could feel incredibly empowering, and I wanted to experience it for myself).
But as the hours progressed — nearly fours to be exact — the contractions got closer and stronger together. My husband started reading the numbers off the machine to tell me how strong my contractions were… until I yelled, “I can feel how strong they are!” Ha! (Well I laugh now; at the time it wasn’t quite as funny).
Now here comes the point of this post… I also started finding myself saying, “I can’t do this. I can’t.” And every time I said that, whether in my head or out loud? The contraction was harder to cope with.
When I closed my eyes, felt the pain but listened to my body and adjusted as necessary (I’ll tell ya, there was a lot of hip swaying), and repeated, “I can do this, my body was built for this,” the contractions became more bearable. I felt so strong when those were the words I told myself.
That said, I still asked for the epidural — and often right after I said, “I can’t do this.” They even started getting me ready for the epidural… but then it was suddenly time to push after a super quick transition.
My little boy’s heart rate started dropping and they needed me to move fast. Suddenly there were nurses galore, and they all reiterated the same thing — in between shouts of “push.” “You got this! You can do this!” over and over again.
And after 20 minutes of pushing, they were right. Our little man came into the world… he didn’t cry out immediately. It felt like minutes, way too many minutes, but they later told me it was about 15 seconds. He was okay. He was healthy. And we — because it wasn’t just me, it was him, it was my husband, it was the midwife, and the nurses — we did it.
The words I told myself during my labor mattered, but so too did the encouragement everyone around me gave.
And I really truly and do believe that the words we use — the words we surround ourselves with — matter so much in all aspects of our lives. They can change our outlook, whether we look at our day as good or bad. They can affect our productivity. They can even affect how we feel about ourselves; they can crush us down, or lift us up.
The words we use and tell ourselves on a regular basis? They have SO much power, and that’s a lesson I’ll definitely never forget after bringing our baby boy into this world.
