I need to regularly remind myself that the things people often put on social media are their highlight reel. They’re not our full lives: the heartaches, the disappointments, the anxiety…. I need to remind myself of that, so I figured others might need this reminder too.
There’s a reason that I say this blog is in “pursuit” of work, life, harmony… I don’t have everything all figured out. And I’m inclined to believe none of us do. We all have some sort of crap we’re dealing with in our lives. We all have something we’re working on improving or doing or trying. We all have habits we’re trying to change. And considering we’re all going through something… we don’t talk about it nearly enough.
So I’m hereby declaring it: I’m a hot mess mom… I may bullet journal, and I may sometimes look like I have things all together, but really? I’m just taking every day a day at a time. Some days, I get a whole lot of stuff done and the kids get along, and I feel on top of the world.
Other days? I’m lucky to get the kids (and myself) dressed, and I yell more than I wish I did. (And if I’m 100% honest, my go-to hairstyle the last couple years has been a messy bun; can that be the signature hairstyle of hot mess moms?)
No one’s life is perfect, no matter how much it looks that way from the outside. This whole ‘perfect life’ thing that we see on Facebook and Instagram, and all that? It’s a myth. It’s a myth that hurts us. It’s a myth that leads to anxiety. It’s a myth that leads us feeling like we’re “not enough.”
As Brene Brown writes in Daring Greatly, “Perfectionism is not the path that leads us to our gift and to our sense of purpose; it’s the hazardous detour.”
What makes perfectionism so hazardous? It’s about perception… about hoping people believe that we, and our lives, are perfect. It’s about caring too much about what others think of us, something I’ve struggled with for decades.
But, “to claim the truths about who we are, where we come from, what we believe, and the very imperfect nature of our lives, we have to be willing to give ourselves a break and appreciate the beauty of our cracks or imperfections.” (If you haven’t read Brene Brown’s Daring Greatly, I highly recommend it).
I hear and see this struggle (and resulting anxiety) with perfection on a regular basis. It’s played out everywhere, online and off. We put SO much pressure on ourselves, and when we don’t meet the expectations we set on ourselves (because let’s be honest, it’s largely something we do to ourselves), we tend to beat ourselves up.
Well, I’m done with it… I’m working on “letting go” of perfection, and embracing more of who I am, and not who I “should” be… I’m a hot mess mom, pretty much every day. Yes, even when I’m wearing makeup. So if you think I have it all together? Nope. But I’m doing my best, day in and day out. As someone said to me recently, “We’re all just doing the best we can.” So to all the other mamas out there who don’t feel like you have it all together? Please know, you’re far from alone.
As for that “highlight” reel on social media? Fortunately I feel like we’re trending towards less highlight reel and more honesty. Lately I find myself seeing more social media posts that share raw vulnerability, more reality, more truth. We’re more vocal now with our struggles. Maybe it’s because when we see other people courageously speak out — like Dr. Christine Blasey Ford — it gives us the courage to speak out too. When others share their stories, it encourages us to share ours as well. All of our stories are important… and chances are, when you’re ready to share yours, you’ll be helping someone to share theirs too. That is one hope I have for this blog too: that it inspires you to speak your truth.
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