I 100% stand by the fact that work life harmony is possible. But here’s the thing: sometimes life and work, and everything in between, can get, shall we say, overwhelming? And sometimes, we just need to ask for help.
If I’m being honest with myself, the past couple months have been really hard.
We put an offer on a house in February, closed on the house in April, and immediately dove into renovation work. Writing all that out, I realize that it sounds pretty crazy that I’m calling all that “hard.” Because it sounds pretty awesome, right? And, really, at the end of the day it is.
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But for me, a gal of routine, a gal who likes to know what to expect, and apparently a gal isn’t very good at making decisions, it threw me for a loop. (As for the renovations themselves, that’s a whole other blog post for another day). Even with my bullet journal to help keep me somewhat organized, I was a hot mess.
You Are Allowed to Feel What You Feel
I kept trying to focus on all the things we have to be grateful for, and how some people would love to be in our shoes… but that takes away and doesn’t honor what I was personally feeling.
Anxious. Overwhelmed. Stressed.
Looking back, I realize that thinking — of that need for “gratitude” — made it way made it harder for me to ask for help.
Asking for help? It can be freaking hard. We want to believe we can do it all ourselves. We want to believe that if we are just organized enough, just smart enough, brave enough… if we’re just… enough… we’ll get it figured out. (Dealing with feelings of ‘not enough’? I suggest reading Brene Brown.)
Through it all, there were some days that I found myself pacing, wondering what it was I should do next. Overwhelmed with phone calls and decisions (and a huge floor debacle), my anxiety skyrocketed. I considered asking for help, but thoughts like, “I know others are just as busy, too” and “I don’t want to be a burden” ran through my head. Plus, if I’m being honest with myself, there was also the thought of “I should be able to do this. I should be able to figure it out.”
But sometimes you just need to stop “should”ing yourself. In fact, I’d argue, stop with the shoulds all together. “Should” isn’t an encouraging word at all. It makes you feel… well, like, you’re not enough. Clearly that feeling is something I’m working on, and I know I’m not alone in feeling that way.
Accepting Help is Easier Than Asking For It
Fortunately, especially in the last month, friends and family alike offered to help, from assisting with the kids, to doing stuff at the house, to packing. Some even offered to listen to me vent, and offered advice; all of that was helpful and a relief.
In turn, I’ve come to realize it’s a whole lot easier to accept help than it is to ask for it. But heck, even accepting it can be hard. But, would I have asked for help had it not been offered? I don’t know… but I do know that I needed help, and I was lucky enough to have people reach out.
So when you’re feeling overwhelmed, take a deep breath… and give yourself permission to ask or receive help.
Because, please, listen to me:
You are worthy. You are loved. You are important, and valuable. You, yes you, matter.
The more that you accept that you are worthy of receiving help? The easier it will be to not only accept that help, but ask for it too.
As for us and our house? We moved out of our apartment… but the house isn’t ready for kids to live in yet. (We still have no floors!)
So while my husband and crazy Kafka the bulldog camp out at the house, my kids and I are staying at my parents in the city. I’m much less anxious now — being done with packing seems to have helped with that — but you can bet I’m hankering to get settled and back into a routine. In the meantime though, I’m going to give myself permission, and the space, to ask for help when I need it again.
Can you relate? How have you handled asking for help in the past? I’d love to hear from you on how you deal with juggling work, life, and home renovations — and everything in between!
Addendum: I wrote this post before news of Kate Spade and Anthony Bourdain and their passing. Their tragic deaths are a stark reminder that no matter how successful, no matter how put together someone might seem, that they might be going through things that we do not know about. Mental illness does not discriminate. Please reach out to your friends and family and let them know what they mean to you. And if you are having suicidal thoughts, PLEASE reach out for help. You are worthy of help. National Suicide Prevention Hotline: 1-800-273-8255
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