I never intended for this to be my first post on my new blog. But my Grandma SanFilippo has been on my mind more than anything these last few days, ever since I heard news of her death — at age 91 — this past Tuesday night.
This blog is largely about the things that inspire not only me, but the people around me… and my Grandma? She inspired a lot of people. She taught me, our huge amazing family, and everyone she met so much about life, God, and love.
Grandma Mary exuded love… so, so, so much love. Every time I saw her, she smiled — especially when she saw her great-granddaughter (my little girl). But really, she lit up like that when any family member walked into a room. (And we have a huge family; my Grandma had eight kids, and I have over 20 cousins, and those cousins had more than 30 kids). As my cousin Seth posted about on Facebook the other day — the tributes to her online have been overwhelming and wonderful, all in one — she made each and every one of us feel like we were her favorite.
Even with such a large family, my Grandma kept track of birthdays, and until recently sent personal birthday cards to everyone. In addition to God, family was clearly everything to my Grandma.
I was planning on seeing her this past Wednesday after hearing how unwell she’d been doing. But I didn’t get that chance… and in turn, I’ve been feeling so guilty. Why didn’t I visit her more this Summer? Why didn’t I take a few hours just to go visit her? To share a few more moments together? That regret has added even more hurt to the pain of losing her. But I’m trying to move on from that guilt by focusing on all the good she brought to this world.
For starters, there’s the story of the chocolate chip pancakes…
Growing up, my sisters and I spent an occasional weekend sleeping over at her house. Each and every morning we woke up, we made pancakes together. And chocolate chip pancakes were always our go to, every single time. We all ate them, including Grandma. It wasn’t until… oh? About a year ago? I learned that she really, really, really doesn’t like chocolate chip pancakes.
But that’s just who she was. She wanted everyone — from her kids, to her grandkids, to her great grandkids. to her great-great grand child — to be happy. I can’t even count the number of time she’s held my hand, telling me how happy she was to see me. Or the number of times she clapped her hands together when she was particularly delighted about something…
We’ll be celebrating her life over the next few days, and I try to focus on that, the good moments, the smiles. I choose to remember all our sleepovers as kids, the nights we spent curled up on her couch watching everything from Fantasia and Pippi Longstocking to a Chicago Cubs game. I choose to remember playing in her backyard in Franklin Park, and our trips together to her library (and our waiting in the car together while we waited for the freight trains to pass). I choose to remember the feasts she used to make for every family gathering, especially Christmas, with loads of mostacholi and meatballs. And don’t forget the Fannie Mae chocolates! I choose to remember how she always walked to her door and waved ‘goodbye’ to us as we left her house.
I choose to remember how excited she was to meet my daughter, and how they got the chance to play peekaboo with each other. I may regret that my little miss won’t get to know her Granny better, but I know through celebrating her life, watching old home movies, and sharing stories of all of my Grandma’s love? That’s how we can continue her memory. We’ll be mourning her tomorrow, but we’ll be celebrating the beautiful person she was, inside and out, too.
Rest in peace, my dear Grandma SanFilippo. We love you, and miss you.
* * *
Don’t want to miss a blog post? Be sure to subscribe to Oops & Daisies here!
